It’s Always Been Right Here

by Bill Free

It’s a strange kind of ache.

Not the sharp pain of loss, or the obvious suffering that sends us searching in the first place—but a quieter, more persistent curiosity. The ache of sincerity without fulfillment. The ache of devotion without arrival. The ache of almost.

If you’re a student of A Course in Miracles, you may know exactly what I mean. Something is off.

You love the Course. Deeply. You may have been with it for decades. You’ve read the Text more times than you can count. You’ve done the Workbook once, twice, maybe every year like a sacred ritual as I did. You feel the truth of it in your bones. When you read certain passages, something in you leaps with recognition. The language speaks directly to the soul.

And yet…
awakening still feels just out of reach.

You understand the ideas. You can quote the lessons. You know intellectually that you are not a body, that you are not the ego, that the world is an illusion, that forgiveness is the key. You’ve forgiven your parents, your partners, your past, your projections. Again and again.

And still, the direct knowing—that unshakable clarity where you know that you know—seems to be on the next page. Or the next insight. Or the next year of lessons.

Inspiring, yet unfulfilling.

It can start to feel like spiritual Groundhog Day.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Somewhere quietly in the background, a painful thought arises:

“Why hasn’t it happened for me?”

You may not say it out loud. Course students are often very good at being spiritually polite with themselves. But the thought is there. Salvation (awakening) seems to be happening to others. Awakening is talked about as if it’s inevitable.

So why does it still feel like a concept to me?

For a long time, I lived inside that question.

My Own Turning Point

I started A Course in Miracles in 2006. From the very beginning, there was a gravitational pull. I didn’t just like it—I recognized it. The Course carried a perfume I couldn’t name at the time, but I knew it mattered. It felt ancient and intimate at the same time, like something I had agreed to long ago.

And yet, year after year, I kept doing the Workbook lessons. Year after year, I kept waiting for the moment where everything would finally click.

I loved the Course too much to leave it. I wouldn’t dare let it go. It felt like a soul-connection, not just a teaching. And yet, somewhere along the way, I began to look elsewhere—not because I was disloyal, but because something in me knew there was more.

So, I read widely. I went to retreats. I sat with teachers. I met and lived with Mooji. I attended retreats with Adyashanti and Rupert Spira. I read Jean Klein. I went to conferences. I searched, sincerely.

And here’s the part that still humbles me to say out loud:

I had my awakening experience in 2012.
And I didn’t fully recognize it until 2018.

Let that sink in.

I didn’t miss awakening because it hadn’t happened.
I missed it because I didn’t have the lens to see it.

“You must claim the seeing.”

The Treasure Was Always There

There’s an old story, maybe you’ve heard it, about a person who lives their entire life in poverty in an old farmhouse. They scrape by. They struggle. They assume this is just how life is.

After they die, someone discovers that stored in the basement was a vast collection of gold and silver left by the father, who was a collector. Riches beyond imagination.

The tragedy isn’t that the treasure wasn’t there.
The tragedy is that they never went down into the basement.

They had it all along and never discovered it was right there.

That story reminds me of the story of the buried treasure in the New Testament:

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field.”

The treasure represents the Kingdom of Heaven—awakening, truth, God, the Self.
The man symbolizes the seeker who discovers something of infinite value.
Selling everything symbolizes letting go of attachments, old identities, and illusions.
Buying the field means giving one’s whole heart and life to this discovery.

What Changed Everything

After years of truly practicing forgiveness and the powerful work forgiveness offers, I finally saw what had happened in my own journey.

Awakening was not something that eventually arrived.
It was something that had always been present.

It was right here.

What was missing wasn’t effort, sincerity, or devotion. What was missing was clarity. A way of seeing that didn’t keep awakening at arm’s length.

I needed someone to point it out.

And this is where I want to speak very honestly—especially to Course students.

The Course is profoundly nondual.
But it is written in dualistic language.

That’s not a criticism. It’s simply a fact.

Christian symbolism, metaphysical structure, hierarchical-seeming concepts, and time-based language can quietly set up an obstacle course in the mind. A well-intentioned one. A beautiful one. But still an obstacle course.

The mind—especially the spiritualized mind—is very clever. It can turn even the most radical non-dual teaching into a project for a separate self.

Without realizing it, I was holding onto a personal identity that was trying to awaken.

Everything began to shift when teachers like Rupert Spira simply pointed—not to a future state, not to an achievement—but to what was already present and aware.

Jean Klein reinforced the same thing in a different way. His writing didn’t give me something new. It removed something old.

Then suddenly, almost embarrassingly, I saw it.

It was always here.

Awakening wasn’t at the end of the Course.
It was the context the Course was pointing from.

“I need do nothing” wasn’t poetic comfort.
It was a literal instruction.

“I am not a body” wasn’t a mantra to convince the mind.
It was a description of what becomes obvious when awareness recognizes itself.

It’s Always Been Right Here

This realization came with both pain and pleasure.

The pain was obvious:
How could I have missed this for so long?

How many years did I spend striving, waiting, subtly judging myself for not “getting there”?

But the pleasure was deeper.

The pleasure of discovering there was nothing wrong with me.
Nothing missing.
Nothing late.

Salvation wasn’t delayed.
It was misinterpreted.

And when that interpretation loosened, the simplicity of what the Course was pointing to became unmistakable.

It’s always been right here.

Right here.
Reading these words.
Aware of these thoughts.

An Invitation

If you’re still with me, I want to gently invite you into something—not a program, not a promise, not a better future version of yourself.

Think of it as a treasure hunt.

Not a hunt that takes you somewhere else, but one that turns the light around and illuminates what’s already been beneath your feet the whole time.

In 2026, I’ll be walking with fellow Course students through A Course in Miracles again—this time through a consciously nondual lens.

Not to improve the Course.
Not to replace it.
And certainly not to abandon it.

But to reveal what has always been shining through it.

If the Course has ever felt like home to you…
If you’ve loved it but quietly wondered why awakening still felt elusive…

Then maybe this treasure hunt isn’t about finding something new.

Maybe it’s about opening the door to the basement and laughing—gently—at how rich you’ve always been.

With love,
Bill

Ready to Go Deeper in 2026?

One Year Masterclass for Awakening with Bill Free is a gentle, steady invitation to recognize what you already are—and to live from that knowing, day by day.

365 intimate teachings inspired by the ACIM Workbook
Weekly live sessions with Q&A (Tuesdays at 3pm ET, beginning January 6, 2026)
18 months of on-demand access (video + audio)
Bonus 4-hour workshop: An Invitation to Open Portals into the Direct Experience

Learn more and register